Firstly, yup - I TOTALLY jinxed myself last week. Siiiigh. Maybe I should take it all back. Maybe I am doing something wrong... I just don't quite know what it is or how to fix it...
ANYWAY.
Very sleepy so not a very long post today. Just wanted to share Finn's newest noise. It gives fingernails on the chalkboard a run for their money.
Everyone talks about the pitter-patter of little feet. No one warns you about this....
(ps - please appreciate James' "longest mobile ever" he was very proud of it)
Monday, 27 February 2012
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
What a difference a week makes...
This next paragraph is SO going to jinx me, I just know it...
First there were still loads of night wakings but he would go into his cot for the beginning of the night.
Then he was in his cot for the whole night but waking up every couple hours.
Then he was in his cot the whole night and only woke up twice.
And then, as of last night, we are back to normal! Woo hoo! went to bed at his normal time, in his cot... woke up a couple times but got himself back to sleep without our help... woke up fully only once right in the middle of the night when I fed him and he went back to sleep until the morning.
Brilliant!
So. Whatever that hump was, here's hoping we're over it.
In other news, James and I also got some sleep - a full night! On our own!
For my birthday last year, my office got me a voucher for a night away at a B+B. Unfortunately, I was too scared to leave London in case I went into labour early (if only I knew...). So I saved it thinking it would be nice to use after the baby arrived so I could have a little break. I had no idea how long it would take me to feel comfortable leaving him overnight! Even when the decision had been made and everything booked, I still wasn't sure I wanted to go. And then he started all this not-sleeping stuff and I was really sure I wasn't going to go. And then he got a bit better and his grandparents said they didn't mind anyway and it was all back on. But even then, the Grandparents were in the house, the bags were packed, we were leaving the next day and I was up listing the options to James...(ie. we could give your Dad and Yvonne the room and we stay here...or we could call and book another adjoining room and he could be just next door... or... um... we could just take him with us etc.). But the next morning, Finn was happy and fine and I took a deep breath and left.
And I'm amazed to say I actually enjoyed myself! I don't know if I ever stopped the constant worry, but at least it became an undertone instead of an all consuming thought. We had a really nice time. We explored a town we'd never been to, had a nice lunch, Thai dinner, couple pints in the pub, lovely long sleep, gorgeous breakfast and a relaxing train journey home. I almost felt guilty for enjoying the freedom so much! I did miss him though and nearly ran home from the station, but that's to be expected I think... it was good for me to have some time away though. To relax and take things at their own pace, to SLEEP, but also to recognise that even if it's a bit unrelenting spending all day every day with Finn, I do actually enjoy it and miss him when he's not around. It's his dimple I think - it holds magical powers of attachment...
But anyway, we are hugely grateful to John and Yvonne for having Finn for us. As I mentioned, he's only just back to sleeping normally last night... so they were still with Finn's evil twin of awakeness. They assured us that it was "fine" but I have a feeling it was a very sleepy 'fine' and we are much indebted. Thank you!!!
So now that things are looking so good and positive, I thought I would share a few instances of Finn having fun! He's got a few new toys and tricks up his sleeve...
First off, he still enjoys rolling over and can now go to either side from his front (though not from his back, yet).
He also enjoys (or tolerates) me taking loads of pictures of him while he does it!!
Because he now likes to sit up so much, we got him a chair (off gumtree! cheap!). Like all new things, at first he was a bit concerned as to what we were doing to him... then bemused and confused... and then he quite liked it!
The same sequence occurred when I introduced his other new toy... a door bouncer (from the charity shop! cheap!)
Finn is such a squirmer that I thought he would love something that encourages him to squirm. But we haven't got the space for much, so this seems like the perfect solution. He still hasn't quite got the hang of 'bouncing' per say... but we're getting there! Here's the first time he tried it out...
And last but not least it's Finn's new FAVOURITE THING TO DO EVER!!! He does this all. the. time. And yet, I still think it's hilarious (mostly. 6:45 - 7:15 this morning, not so much.)
First there were still loads of night wakings but he would go into his cot for the beginning of the night.
Then he was in his cot for the whole night but waking up every couple hours.
Then he was in his cot the whole night and only woke up twice.
And then, as of last night, we are back to normal! Woo hoo! went to bed at his normal time, in his cot... woke up a couple times but got himself back to sleep without our help... woke up fully only once right in the middle of the night when I fed him and he went back to sleep until the morning.
Brilliant!
So. Whatever that hump was, here's hoping we're over it.
In other news, James and I also got some sleep - a full night! On our own!
For my birthday last year, my office got me a voucher for a night away at a B+B. Unfortunately, I was too scared to leave London in case I went into labour early (if only I knew...). So I saved it thinking it would be nice to use after the baby arrived so I could have a little break. I had no idea how long it would take me to feel comfortable leaving him overnight! Even when the decision had been made and everything booked, I still wasn't sure I wanted to go. And then he started all this not-sleeping stuff and I was really sure I wasn't going to go. And then he got a bit better and his grandparents said they didn't mind anyway and it was all back on. But even then, the Grandparents were in the house, the bags were packed, we were leaving the next day and I was up listing the options to James...(ie. we could give your Dad and Yvonne the room and we stay here...or we could call and book another adjoining room and he could be just next door... or... um... we could just take him with us etc.). But the next morning, Finn was happy and fine and I took a deep breath and left.
And I'm amazed to say I actually enjoyed myself! I don't know if I ever stopped the constant worry, but at least it became an undertone instead of an all consuming thought. We had a really nice time. We explored a town we'd never been to, had a nice lunch, Thai dinner, couple pints in the pub, lovely long sleep, gorgeous breakfast and a relaxing train journey home. I almost felt guilty for enjoying the freedom so much! I did miss him though and nearly ran home from the station, but that's to be expected I think... it was good for me to have some time away though. To relax and take things at their own pace, to SLEEP, but also to recognise that even if it's a bit unrelenting spending all day every day with Finn, I do actually enjoy it and miss him when he's not around. It's his dimple I think - it holds magical powers of attachment...
But anyway, we are hugely grateful to John and Yvonne for having Finn for us. As I mentioned, he's only just back to sleeping normally last night... so they were still with Finn's evil twin of awakeness. They assured us that it was "fine" but I have a feeling it was a very sleepy 'fine' and we are much indebted. Thank you!!!
So now that things are looking so good and positive, I thought I would share a few instances of Finn having fun! He's got a few new toys and tricks up his sleeve...
First off, he still enjoys rolling over and can now go to either side from his front (though not from his back, yet).
Because he now likes to sit up so much, we got him a chair (off gumtree! cheap!). Like all new things, at first he was a bit concerned as to what we were doing to him... then bemused and confused... and then he quite liked it!
The same sequence occurred when I introduced his other new toy... a door bouncer (from the charity shop! cheap!)
Finn is such a squirmer that I thought he would love something that encourages him to squirm. But we haven't got the space for much, so this seems like the perfect solution. He still hasn't quite got the hang of 'bouncing' per say... but we're getting there! Here's the first time he tried it out...
 |
| A bit concerned... |
 |
| confused and bemused |
 |
| Hang on! You mean it MOVES?! |
 |
| LOVING THIS!!! |
When we had the airbed out this past weekend, we discovered this gem of a game:
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
A small rant and a nice video
This is a bit of a rant... so to compensate I've got a lovely video at the end. Feel free to skip straight to it if you don't want to hear me whine about annoying strangers with well-meaning "advice."
Honestly, I don't mind :o)
Finn has not been sleeping well for a couple weeks. As in really really not well. The only way for him to sleep solidly in the night is if someone is holding him. If we're not holding him, he wakes up every half hour or so. Even when I bring him to bed with us which usually works a treat, he whimpers and can't sleep unless one of us either holds him, pats him, or nurses him. It's not fun and we're all very tired in this house.
So here's my quick rant: I've been told by (more than) a few people that this is our fault because we always go to him when he cries at night. I wanted to do a whole post about this issue because it drives me crazy. I wanted to discuss the whole idea of it being "good for a baby to learn that you won't come to them every time it cries" as something that I don't understand why I would want my baby to learn. Or the fact that "it's important for babies to learn to self soothe" is not considered a fact at all and is mostly a Western idea which parents in many countries would either laugh at or be confused about. Or maybe I would talk about the fact that I'm a scientifically minded person who doesn't like to take anything as a given without looking into it first (ie: everyone has a list of what pregnant women can and can't eat but when you look into the "why nots" on the matter, it tells a different story). And studies show that the idea of babies "needing to be taught how to self-soothe" (particularly by letting them cry it out) is not based on any fact (most studies say it is neutral and doesn't harm or benefit, some say that it can be detrimental, and none that I've found show a wholly positive impact). But I don't want to because it isn't important. I shouldn't have to explain myself.
I am not a judgemental person. I totally understand why some people want their babies to be independent early on. I get why this option works in many situations. Maybe if I was back in work and needed to be certain that sleep and feeding happened on a schedule I would be more rigorous and harsh with the way I treat naps and bedtime. I would never say that parents who choose to let their babies cry are "doing something wrong." In fact, I think it would take something along the lines of feeding an infant Diet Coke instead of milk/formula for me to even enter into a discussion of what is "wrong." People have to do what is right for them. What works for their sanity, in their life, with their baby. Which is what James and I are doing. So why do people feel the need to make us feel like we're making a huge mistake or that we're doing it wrong? I know this is our first baby and I know that I've had to ask advice about many things and I'm happy to listen to all the options and research the different theories. But our jobs as parents is to listen to all that and then make a choice. It may not be what is best for you but that doesn't make it wrong. The fact that I will lie in conversations about how he's sleeping so I don't have to be lectured in the supermarket is depressing. Or to avoid conversations that go along the lines of:
How old is he?
4 months.
Oh, so you've started sleep training him then?
No, we decided not to.
Oh God! You must be up all night! Aren't you exhausted?
Not really, he needs some help getting to sleep but once he's down he's pretty good.
Oh that's not going to last! He needs to fall asleep ON HIS OWN! You need sleep too, you know.
But we're getting sleep...
Whatever, I suppose it's your choice. But it's just a rod for your own back.
etc.
Why do people want to make parenting choices so divisive? Breast versus bottle. Solids versus purees. You let the baby sleep in your bed?? OMG! You put the baby in an entirely different room?? OMG! You use cloth? Hippie. You use disposable? Lazy. You know that pacifiers are a godsend/evil/not for use past 4 months/ok until 3 years, right? And people ask why I don't like going to "mummy meet-ups" or "coffee mornings." There's a fine line between advise and judgement.
Unfortunately none of the people who have made me so frustrated of late read my blog (I don't think). So this isn't really for any purpose than for me to rant a bit! (did I mention I was tired? I might also be a bit grouchy on account of a recent interaction at the weighing drop-in...). So there really is no point in justifying myself. But I do feel a bit better getting it all out! And while I'm at it, I would like to add the following facts into the equation:
1) Finn has been a bad sleeper for 2 weeks (2!). He was a brilliant sleeper for many weeks before that (ie: sleeping 12 hours with only one waking to eat and then go back to sleep)
2) these two weeks have coincided with his immunisation shots as well as teething
3) teething. did I mention that?
4) we live in a flat with relatively thin walls
5) we do give him the opportunity to fall back asleep on his own if he's only half awake whining or whimpering and sometimes he can do it. We only step in when it escalates to crying and it's obvious that he's completely woken himself up
6) He's gone through phases of bad sleep before and eventually sorted himself out again.
7) I did mention the teething right?
In other words: Yes. We go to him when he cries at night. We help him to fall asleep. If he's really upset, sometimes I will even let him (gasp!) nurse to sleep. And that is right for us. Lately he seems to be uncomfortable and extra clingy, so we are responding accordingly even if it means less sleep for us. And that is right for us. Yes, it is tiring, yes, it can be frustrating, yes, it can be overwhelming.
But that doesn't make it wrong.
WHEW! Glad I got that out! Now, as promised here is a lovely happy video of a giggly Finn. Sometimes I'm amazed and what he finds funny. You can sing and dance like a maniac and get absolutely no response... or you could simply wiggle your eyebrows and blink really fast and it's the funniest thing he's ever seen...
Honestly, I don't mind :o)
Finn has not been sleeping well for a couple weeks. As in really really not well. The only way for him to sleep solidly in the night is if someone is holding him. If we're not holding him, he wakes up every half hour or so. Even when I bring him to bed with us which usually works a treat, he whimpers and can't sleep unless one of us either holds him, pats him, or nurses him. It's not fun and we're all very tired in this house.
So here's my quick rant: I've been told by (more than) a few people that this is our fault because we always go to him when he cries at night. I wanted to do a whole post about this issue because it drives me crazy. I wanted to discuss the whole idea of it being "good for a baby to learn that you won't come to them every time it cries" as something that I don't understand why I would want my baby to learn. Or the fact that "it's important for babies to learn to self soothe" is not considered a fact at all and is mostly a Western idea which parents in many countries would either laugh at or be confused about. Or maybe I would talk about the fact that I'm a scientifically minded person who doesn't like to take anything as a given without looking into it first (ie: everyone has a list of what pregnant women can and can't eat but when you look into the "why nots" on the matter, it tells a different story). And studies show that the idea of babies "needing to be taught how to self-soothe" (particularly by letting them cry it out) is not based on any fact (most studies say it is neutral and doesn't harm or benefit, some say that it can be detrimental, and none that I've found show a wholly positive impact). But I don't want to because it isn't important. I shouldn't have to explain myself.
I am not a judgemental person. I totally understand why some people want their babies to be independent early on. I get why this option works in many situations. Maybe if I was back in work and needed to be certain that sleep and feeding happened on a schedule I would be more rigorous and harsh with the way I treat naps and bedtime. I would never say that parents who choose to let their babies cry are "doing something wrong." In fact, I think it would take something along the lines of feeding an infant Diet Coke instead of milk/formula for me to even enter into a discussion of what is "wrong." People have to do what is right for them. What works for their sanity, in their life, with their baby. Which is what James and I are doing. So why do people feel the need to make us feel like we're making a huge mistake or that we're doing it wrong? I know this is our first baby and I know that I've had to ask advice about many things and I'm happy to listen to all the options and research the different theories. But our jobs as parents is to listen to all that and then make a choice. It may not be what is best for you but that doesn't make it wrong. The fact that I will lie in conversations about how he's sleeping so I don't have to be lectured in the supermarket is depressing. Or to avoid conversations that go along the lines of:
How old is he?
4 months.
Oh, so you've started sleep training him then?
No, we decided not to.
Oh God! You must be up all night! Aren't you exhausted?
Not really, he needs some help getting to sleep but once he's down he's pretty good.
Oh that's not going to last! He needs to fall asleep ON HIS OWN! You need sleep too, you know.
But we're getting sleep...
Whatever, I suppose it's your choice. But it's just a rod for your own back.
etc.
Why do people want to make parenting choices so divisive? Breast versus bottle. Solids versus purees. You let the baby sleep in your bed?? OMG! You put the baby in an entirely different room?? OMG! You use cloth? Hippie. You use disposable? Lazy. You know that pacifiers are a godsend/evil/not for use past 4 months/ok until 3 years, right? And people ask why I don't like going to "mummy meet-ups" or "coffee mornings." There's a fine line between advise and judgement.
Unfortunately none of the people who have made me so frustrated of late read my blog (I don't think). So this isn't really for any purpose than for me to rant a bit! (did I mention I was tired? I might also be a bit grouchy on account of a recent interaction at the weighing drop-in...). So there really is no point in justifying myself. But I do feel a bit better getting it all out! And while I'm at it, I would like to add the following facts into the equation:
1) Finn has been a bad sleeper for 2 weeks (2!). He was a brilliant sleeper for many weeks before that (ie: sleeping 12 hours with only one waking to eat and then go back to sleep)
2) these two weeks have coincided with his immunisation shots as well as teething
3) teething. did I mention that?
4) we live in a flat with relatively thin walls
5) we do give him the opportunity to fall back asleep on his own if he's only half awake whining or whimpering and sometimes he can do it. We only step in when it escalates to crying and it's obvious that he's completely woken himself up
6) He's gone through phases of bad sleep before and eventually sorted himself out again.
7) I did mention the teething right?
In other words: Yes. We go to him when he cries at night. We help him to fall asleep. If he's really upset, sometimes I will even let him (gasp!) nurse to sleep. And that is right for us. Lately he seems to be uncomfortable and extra clingy, so we are responding accordingly even if it means less sleep for us. And that is right for us. Yes, it is tiring, yes, it can be frustrating, yes, it can be overwhelming.
But that doesn't make it wrong.
WHEW! Glad I got that out! Now, as promised here is a lovely happy video of a giggly Finn. Sometimes I'm amazed and what he finds funny. You can sing and dance like a maniac and get absolutely no response... or you could simply wiggle your eyebrows and blink really fast and it's the funniest thing he's ever seen...
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
It's all GO, GO, GO! (aka: a Frenzy of Firsts)
So the last post was all about how he wasn't quite reaching the milestones that we expected him to. Well, that's all changed. We went for ages with very little, and now have had lots of 'firsts' all in a row!
Before I get into the update though, February 2nd meant that Finn turned four months old! Yay! So here is his new photo update next to his old one:
I also tried again to get cute head holding up pictures but he seems to enjoy rolling so much that there's just a lot of blurry action shots...
(yes, we use a storage box instead of a baby bath... what about it!? At least this way we still have something useful when he grows out of it...)
In other firsts...
First number 5)
It snowed! And so we took a walk...
We didn't stay out for long though because Finn has been REALLY grumpy lately. At first we thought it was because of his jabs last week. But then the crying, not sleeping, and overall touchiness just didn't stop... we couldn't figure out what was wrong until this weekend when Finn was chewing my finger and I felt it...
First number 6)
Finn's got TEETH!
I know, I can hardly believe it myself. It seems way early so we didn't even think it was a possibility but the books say it's hereditary and mom says my teeth came early as well so there you go! Yesterday they finally broke through the surface so we're hoping his mood improves significantly (please!please! last night he was waking up crying every 45 minutes...), but they're only just out so there might be a while yet. They may be small but they are sharp! And I often forget about them when he starts chomping on my fingers... I don't forget for long!
So here they are, ladies and gentlemen....
Before I get into the update though, February 2nd meant that Finn turned four months old! Yay! So here is his new photo update next to his old one:
 |
| 3 months old |
 |
| 4 months old |
(yes, some of Finn's clothes have pink in them. Some of them might have even come from the 'girl side' of the store... what about it?!)
(actually, a LOT of Finn's clothes are currently pink... but that's more to do with a recent laundry accident than anything else...)
(I should do all my tangential train-of-thoughts this way... I like it!)
I took him to be weighed on Friday and he currently tips the scale at 15 lbs 7 oz. Which isn't too big though his size is one thing that many people comment on when they first meet him. He's also very long though - 66 cm (26 in) which is apparently in the 91st percentile...
I happen to think that 15 lbs 7 oz is extremely heavy (even if it's only in the 50th %tile), but then again I'm the one carrying him around all day!
So what has changed since we last spoke (see how I keep the tone light and conversational!?) ?
WELL:
First number 1)
I'll start with the most boring one. This is actually a first for me, not Finn... Before Finn was born I got a few different kinds of nappies so we could figure out what kind we liked. But we've liked the prefolds so much I haven't really tried the others. And I've had this stack of beautiful old school terry squares just sitting there... but I didn't know how to use them. So yesterday I sat there with a naked baby, youtube videos, and printed instructions on the different ways to fold them up (hard to believe that women used to just be taught this stuff as a given - now I've got to spend ages working it out!). After quite a few failed attempts, I finally managed to get one on him that didn't look like I scrunched up an old towel between his legs! So I took a picture (as you do). So here is Finn's first folded cloth nappy! (please do forgive me for being so ridiculously pleased with myself...)
 |
| Terry Square Success! |
On to more important news...
First number 2)
Finn can hold his head up! Really really well!! On Saturday we put him on his tummy ready for the fight against the flail and he just lifted his head like he'd been doing it all his life. I know it's not really a 'first' since he'd sort of done it before... but it's now consistent and perfect. Here's a picture (which is also of one of his funnier faces)
It's not the best picture though, so yesterday I was trying to take another one and failed. Mostly because of
First number 3)
He can roll over! I put him down on his tummy and he immediately flipped himself back over again. I thought I'd done it accidentally so I tried again and again he flipped over. So, I grabbed the video camera, turned it on, and put Finn on his tummy... and he slammed his face into the floor and wailed for awhile (I won't embed that video, but if you want to break your heart by watching/listening to Finn hurt himself, it's here: http://youtu.be/CFmBGeBvGmA )
That sort of cancelled tummy time for a bit, but we tried again this morning (with more padding under the blanket!) and here's the result:
I also tried again to get cute head holding up pictures but he seems to enjoy rolling so much that there's just a lot of blurry action shots...
But look how pleased he is with himself waiting for me to let go!
So that's a big skill gained!
But what else can he do I hear you ask!
First number 4)
He's working out cause and effect - also known as: he's just figured out that he can splash! Much to our (messy) amusement...
(yes, we use a storage box instead of a baby bath... what about it!? At least this way we still have something useful when he grows out of it...)
In other firsts...
First number 5)
It snowed! And so we took a walk...
 |
| Finn's first snow! |
 |
| He was a bit bemused... |
First number 6)
Finn's got TEETH!
I know, I can hardly believe it myself. It seems way early so we didn't even think it was a possibility but the books say it's hereditary and mom says my teeth came early as well so there you go! Yesterday they finally broke through the surface so we're hoping his mood improves significantly (please!please! last night he was waking up crying every 45 minutes...), but they're only just out so there might be a while yet. They may be small but they are sharp! And I often forget about them when he starts chomping on my fingers... I don't forget for long!
So here they are, ladies and gentlemen....
 |
| Finn's first teeth at four months old |
Saturday, 28 January 2012
He's got SKILLZ
So we've had a post with lots of pictures, then a post with lots of words - it's now time for a post with lots of videos!
YAY!
Finn continues to grow and develop (as one would expect). It's amazing how excited we can be over the simplest of achievements. So I thought I would show you a bit of what he can (and can't) do these days.
First of all, the major milestone is being able to hold up his head. Unfortunately he's REALLY bad at this. Supposedly he should be not only holding his head up while on his tummy but doing "mini push ups" with his arms.
He's not.
We're at the point now that he doesn't freak out when he's on his tummy, which is good, but he also isn't at all interested in lifting his head. If we use a toy to try and interest him, he attempts to arch his back and roll over instead of lifting his head. Maybe he's just lazy - but it ends up looking pretty ridiculous. Here's an example:
(ps - don't ask me why we call that thing a pterodactyl instead of a butterfly... I don't really know why or how it started, it's just always been...)
We can get him to do it properly if we use a pillow though - as shown in the following video (which was the first time he'd done it, so forgive our enthusiastic glee!)
Of course, if you take the picture at just the right time, it looks like he's a head-holding-up pro!
So his "gross motor skills" are lagging a bit behind where he 'should' be. But we're not too worried because he just seems to be channelling all of his development into his "fine motor skills" which are ahead of where he 'should' be. Even though he's still (as of today's tummy time) struggling with his head, he's VERY good with his hands. He can grab things straight off with very little batting, can pass things from one hand to the other, and has lately even begun to turn the pages of his board books with precision! This video is from a week or so ago but it gives you some idea. Also it's of his mostest favouritest toy EVER - the bucky ball. We can just give it to him and he's entertained for ages. The only trouble is that when he drops it it rolls which is annoying. But his skills are so good that he doesn't drop it very often.
He really loves this thing...
But he's not just working on his muscles. He's also developing more and more of a vocabulary. Well, sort of. Basically it's the same noises but with the new discovery that he can make THEM LOUDER!
These videos don't even do it justice as, again, they're about a week old - and he's just getting louder and more "screechy" by the day. I don't envy our neighbours sometimes (to be honest, I don't envy ME sometimes!). The worst being that he's also taken to enjoying it so much that he will wake up in the middle of the night just so he can talk to himself. He isn't hungry and doesn't want to be picked up - he just wants to lie in his cot at 4:00 am and "ululate" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ululation). I don't want to wake up the neighbours though so we have to pick him up and take him through to the living room, which makes him angry, and either James or I spend the next 45 minutes or so sleepily trying to "hush" him. Other than that, it is pretty funny.
I don't have any videos of him really going at it yet, but I've got these three that show you his range a bit... at least at night when he's drifting off to sleep (or supposed to be) he will "talk" much softer... which is itself rather amusing.
So I'll leave you with three Finn "stories." One quiet at bedtime, one medium during a nappy change, and one loud while he was just hanging out (apologies for the weird angle - he's easily distracted by the sight of the camera). We'll save the truly LOUD for a later post...
A quiet story
A medium story
A loud story
YAY!
Finn continues to grow and develop (as one would expect). It's amazing how excited we can be over the simplest of achievements. So I thought I would show you a bit of what he can (and can't) do these days.
First of all, the major milestone is being able to hold up his head. Unfortunately he's REALLY bad at this. Supposedly he should be not only holding his head up while on his tummy but doing "mini push ups" with his arms.
He's not.
We're at the point now that he doesn't freak out when he's on his tummy, which is good, but he also isn't at all interested in lifting his head. If we use a toy to try and interest him, he attempts to arch his back and roll over instead of lifting his head. Maybe he's just lazy - but it ends up looking pretty ridiculous. Here's an example:
(ps - don't ask me why we call that thing a pterodactyl instead of a butterfly... I don't really know why or how it started, it's just always been...)
We can get him to do it properly if we use a pillow though - as shown in the following video (which was the first time he'd done it, so forgive our enthusiastic glee!)
Of course, if you take the picture at just the right time, it looks like he's a head-holding-up pro!
So his "gross motor skills" are lagging a bit behind where he 'should' be. But we're not too worried because he just seems to be channelling all of his development into his "fine motor skills" which are ahead of where he 'should' be. Even though he's still (as of today's tummy time) struggling with his head, he's VERY good with his hands. He can grab things straight off with very little batting, can pass things from one hand to the other, and has lately even begun to turn the pages of his board books with precision! This video is from a week or so ago but it gives you some idea. Also it's of his mostest favouritest toy EVER - the bucky ball. We can just give it to him and he's entertained for ages. The only trouble is that when he drops it it rolls which is annoying. But his skills are so good that he doesn't drop it very often.
He really loves this thing...
But he's not just working on his muscles. He's also developing more and more of a vocabulary. Well, sort of. Basically it's the same noises but with the new discovery that he can make THEM LOUDER!
These videos don't even do it justice as, again, they're about a week old - and he's just getting louder and more "screechy" by the day. I don't envy our neighbours sometimes (to be honest, I don't envy ME sometimes!). The worst being that he's also taken to enjoying it so much that he will wake up in the middle of the night just so he can talk to himself. He isn't hungry and doesn't want to be picked up - he just wants to lie in his cot at 4:00 am and "ululate" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ululation). I don't want to wake up the neighbours though so we have to pick him up and take him through to the living room, which makes him angry, and either James or I spend the next 45 minutes or so sleepily trying to "hush" him. Other than that, it is pretty funny.
I don't have any videos of him really going at it yet, but I've got these three that show you his range a bit... at least at night when he's drifting off to sleep (or supposed to be) he will "talk" much softer... which is itself rather amusing.
So I'll leave you with three Finn "stories." One quiet at bedtime, one medium during a nappy change, and one loud while he was just hanging out (apologies for the weird angle - he's easily distracted by the sight of the camera). We'll save the truly LOUD for a later post...
A quiet story
A medium story
A loud story
Monday, 16 January 2012
Being a mother
I thought it was time to have a post that was less "here are pictures of what we've done" and more "here's what's been on my mind these days."
It's been prompted by a few things, the most recent of which being the fact that we've officially had our first "new parents trip to the hospital over nothing" incident.
But before I get into that, it's also prompted by something I've been pondering for a bit. When we meet up with people for the first time or if it's been awhile, we are often asked "how's Finn?" or "how has it been living with a baby?" or other questions along those lines. But when we were with family over Christmas, my mother-in-law's first question on the drive from the airport was "how are you finding being a mother?" And I was completely caught off my guard because I hadn't really thought of it in those terms enough to have a quick reply. I don't really know how I'm finding it being a mother. And I've been thinking about it ever since.
I'd discussed it with James a bit. I thought there was something wrong with me because I found it hard to think of Finn as "my" son. Not in the sense of not connecting with him but in the possessive sense. I've never been able to feel like he belongs to me. He is Finn, he is so himself and so amazingly individual and I found it hard to ever think of him in terms of "mine." I still find it hard to say "my son." I still don't fully understand why that is difficult for me, and I'm sure it will lessen with time, but I think it comes from an aspect of being a mother that I didn't anticipate. When I think of him, I can be overwhelmed by the privilege of him. The fact that I get to be his mother is more intensely felt than the fact that he is my son. True, there are times that I am amazed that he came from me and James and that he didn't exist before and that "we created this." But more often I am amazed that I have been trusted with such a huge thing as the person that is Finn. And that is how I'm finding being a mother. I think that's what caught me off guard about the question. It's easy to get wrapped up in the "how is he sleeping?" and "how are you finding being at home with him all the time?" and "is he doing A, B, or C yet?" and let the question of how he has changed me drift to the side. But Finn is unequivocally not mine. He is entirely his own. Which makes the fact of being his mother all the more life changing. So, no, he is not mine. But he is "my son" which means I am given the privilege of helping him to become the amazing person that he will one day be.
So before I can understand how I'm taking to being a mother, I need to first discover what does it mean to me to be a mother? I still don't really know and I'm sure it's different for everyone. But I'm discovering what it means to me bit by bit along the way. I get little shocks of things I have never felt before, things I never knew I could to, responsibility I never knew I could live up to. These two pictures express that a bit:
It's been prompted by a few things, the most recent of which being the fact that we've officially had our first "new parents trip to the hospital over nothing" incident.
But before I get into that, it's also prompted by something I've been pondering for a bit. When we meet up with people for the first time or if it's been awhile, we are often asked "how's Finn?" or "how has it been living with a baby?" or other questions along those lines. But when we were with family over Christmas, my mother-in-law's first question on the drive from the airport was "how are you finding being a mother?" And I was completely caught off my guard because I hadn't really thought of it in those terms enough to have a quick reply. I don't really know how I'm finding it being a mother. And I've been thinking about it ever since.
I'd discussed it with James a bit. I thought there was something wrong with me because I found it hard to think of Finn as "my" son. Not in the sense of not connecting with him but in the possessive sense. I've never been able to feel like he belongs to me. He is Finn, he is so himself and so amazingly individual and I found it hard to ever think of him in terms of "mine." I still find it hard to say "my son." I still don't fully understand why that is difficult for me, and I'm sure it will lessen with time, but I think it comes from an aspect of being a mother that I didn't anticipate. When I think of him, I can be overwhelmed by the privilege of him. The fact that I get to be his mother is more intensely felt than the fact that he is my son. True, there are times that I am amazed that he came from me and James and that he didn't exist before and that "we created this." But more often I am amazed that I have been trusted with such a huge thing as the person that is Finn. And that is how I'm finding being a mother. I think that's what caught me off guard about the question. It's easy to get wrapped up in the "how is he sleeping?" and "how are you finding being at home with him all the time?" and "is he doing A, B, or C yet?" and let the question of how he has changed me drift to the side. But Finn is unequivocally not mine. He is entirely his own. Which makes the fact of being his mother all the more life changing. So, no, he is not mine. But he is "my son" which means I am given the privilege of helping him to become the amazing person that he will one day be.
So before I can understand how I'm taking to being a mother, I need to first discover what does it mean to me to be a mother? I still don't really know and I'm sure it's different for everyone. But I'm discovering what it means to me bit by bit along the way. I get little shocks of things I have never felt before, things I never knew I could to, responsibility I never knew I could live up to. These two pictures express that a bit:
I still can't get over the fact that I can do this. Not so much along the lines of what I can give to Finn. That doesn't amaze me - I would give him anything. But that fact that he trusts me, is comforted by me, that I can make him happy and he expects me too. These are all things that he gives to me. And when he gives me that trust and expectation that I will care for him - then I do feel like a mother.
But sometimes you can't fulfil. When we returned from Amsterdam, Finn came down with a virus. He is snotty and sneezy and his eyes are red and watery and he's wholly unhappy. The first 24 hours of it were a bit intense. He was crying non-stop when he was awake. I could calm him down by nursing him, but that was the only way - and the only way he could sleep. Which meant he was on the breast sometimes for more than an hour, or with only a gap of 45 minutes in between. Obviously this meant that I hadn't slept in 24 hours, and that he wasn't really sleeping well - which of course made him cry more. It was like he was looking at me and James with these huge eyes of "make it better - you are the people who make things better and you're not doing it" and we just couldn't. He was just crying and crying and crying until I felt like I had so utterly failed him. It got to the point where we figured that there had to be Something Wrong. In the Something WRONG sense. When it had hit truly 24 hours of inconsolability, we phoned the NHS direct helpline, they talked through the symptoms with us and advised us to go see the doctor just to make sure. So at 10:30 at night we went to the hospital to see the out-of-hours GP. As you may have guessed, there was nothing he could do. There is actually a long story involved as this doctor was horrible and patronising and it was a very negative experience (he actually refused to let James hold him still when he wanted to examine his ears because "men like to pretend they are good with babies but only mothers can do it properly" which goes against EVERYTHING we believe and was completely contrary to the fact that James had been keeping him brilliantly calm up until that point) but anyway, I won't get into that right now. The end result was basically that: yes, there was something wrong - Finn wasn't feeling well and it was upsetting him. But it wasn't even close to life threatening and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it and he wasn't actually inconsolable because you've just said the only time he isn't crying is when he's nursing or you're holding him. So nurse him and hold him. That's what he needs right now. He's tired and unhappy so do what you can to make him comfortable but you're going to have to wait it out for the most part.
And again, I had a shock of feeling like a mother. Because I can't just LET him be MISERABLE! He's looking at me and begging me to make him feel better. Normally I can make him feel better. What do you mean there is nothing I can do to make him feel better!? The anger I felt at the world that Finn was sick and I had to just wait it out and couldn't even explain to him that he would eventually feel better was something I hadn't really felt before. It was an overwhelming sense of "I feel your pain" in the true sense. That's not entirely true - I had felt it before. When Finn got his immunisations and was so upset that I was in tears, I felt that way. But at least then I could give him cuddles and in a small way make him feel better... this not being able to do anything is worse. And I started to think about him growing up and skinning his knee or breaking a bone, or getting his heart broken, or all the many times I am not going to be able to make it better. And knowing those times will happen makes me sad. Even knowing that they need to happen and he will be a better person for it doesn't help that I feel sad that I can't keep him in a permanent state of bliss for his entire existence. And that feels like being his mother.
And then I took it one step further. After we got back from the hospital, Finn had been crying so much in the taxi that he had exhausted himself to the point that he was actually asleep when we got home. We put him straight in his cot and James and I immediately fell into bed. I dreamt that we were all on holiday and knowing how much Finn loves having a bath, I thought he would enjoy the pool. So I put him on a raft in the pool and went to get his towel (don't judge me! It was a DREAM!). I then got distracted and was away longer than I expected. When I came back, Finn was at the bottom of the pool. Just the sight of him there was enough to jolt me straight awake with a gasp. And I lay there in bed imagining what I would do if something were to ever happen to him. And THAT feels like being his mother. Because even a dream or an imagining of that is so heart-wrenchingly painful that I can't help but cry. It's amazing how someone I've only known for three and a half months could be so important that I can't imagine life without them. I'd heard a quote a while ago and it didn't quite register. But as I was writing this blog I remembered it again and sought it out. It's from Elizabeth Stone (though I don't know who Elizabeth Stone is):
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body"
I feel that. I get that. So, yes - even if Finn is not "mine" I am most definitely his. And though that carries a massive amount of responsibility and heartache, I wouldn't trade it in for the world. And when I realise how true that is, I really do feel like a mother.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Amsterdam!
Yesterday we returned from our trip to the lovely city of Amsterdam, so I thought I would share some photos (LOTS). James and I agreed that travelling with a baby was difficult in some ways but entirely doable and we still really enjoyed ourselves. The difficulties were mainly to do with 1) the guilt of Finn crying in a hotel room at night 2) the inability to pack loads of activities into one day and 3) the lack of one-on-one engagement to entertain him.
Luckily all of these were manageable, partly because we are really lucky with Finn and the fact that he enjoys seeing new things and being outside - so 3) didn't matter as he was totally fine to just stroll around in his pram and look around (wo betide us if we put the cover up on the pram - I think people thought we were freezing him out but he wants to be able to watch stuff).
2) was also fine because we're lucky that he's now on a rotation - it's not really a schedule in any way as the timings hit differently each day depending on when we get up for the day, but he's on a very regular three hour rotation. He eats for about half an hour, is awake for about an hour and a half, sleeps for about an hour and then repeat. This means that we can plan accordingly. So we were able to visit the Anne Frank house (where she hid) which is obviously a quiet and somber place just by starting our walk there in his wrap sling when he was due to be falling asleep. He was asleep by the time we got there, and we made it around the entire place just in time for him to wake up hungry as we sat down in a cafe. By keeping to his schedule like this, we had an easy-going time of it. Yes, we couldn't see as much as we would have before Finn came along but it meant we prioritised and spent more time relaxing in cafes and our hotel room. It was almost nice to be forced to sit down somewhere every three hours! Of course it didn't always work out exactly to plan... but then we just improvised. When he woke up halfway through the Van Gogh museum obviously starving (or so he would have you believe) I wrapped the sling in a loose toga way and fed him while walking around (it's times like these I'm really glad to be breastfeeding for entirely selfish reasons!). I couldn't carry on long term because he's getting really heavy (14 lbs 9 oz!) but it worked long enough to finish off the museum.
As for 1) ... well... there's no way around him being unhappy at night. So we just did our best to keep it as short as possible and hope that the people near us are understanding.
All in all it was a fantastic time and I can't wait to take Finn along on another exciting adventure.
SO! On to the pictures!
We took the train there (around 4 and a half hours total, with a change in Brussels). The way there it was very crowded but Finn seems to enjoy trains nearly as much as planes and we let him sleep through as much of the journey as we could. We arrived in the afternoon, checked into our hotel, dropped off the pram, put him in the wrap and had a good wander around.
We also had a look around the red-light district but there are no pictures of that!!!
After a fantastic dinner out and an early night, we started the next morning but heading straight to a cafe
Then it was off to the Van Gogh Museum. Afterwards I consulted a map to see where to go next and Finn practiced grabbing things (a new skill!)
All of this walking around is really exhausting!
Then we got back on the train to head home. This time we were in a car that was nearly empty. Which was good because Finn wanted to do his two most favourite things as of late:
1) make lots of bizarre and loud noises including squeaks, squeals and fake coughs and
2) play with his tongue and all the strange noises that can make....
As you can see, good times were had all around!
Luckily all of these were manageable, partly because we are really lucky with Finn and the fact that he enjoys seeing new things and being outside - so 3) didn't matter as he was totally fine to just stroll around in his pram and look around (wo betide us if we put the cover up on the pram - I think people thought we were freezing him out but he wants to be able to watch stuff).
2) was also fine because we're lucky that he's now on a rotation - it's not really a schedule in any way as the timings hit differently each day depending on when we get up for the day, but he's on a very regular three hour rotation. He eats for about half an hour, is awake for about an hour and a half, sleeps for about an hour and then repeat. This means that we can plan accordingly. So we were able to visit the Anne Frank house (where she hid) which is obviously a quiet and somber place just by starting our walk there in his wrap sling when he was due to be falling asleep. He was asleep by the time we got there, and we made it around the entire place just in time for him to wake up hungry as we sat down in a cafe. By keeping to his schedule like this, we had an easy-going time of it. Yes, we couldn't see as much as we would have before Finn came along but it meant we prioritised and spent more time relaxing in cafes and our hotel room. It was almost nice to be forced to sit down somewhere every three hours! Of course it didn't always work out exactly to plan... but then we just improvised. When he woke up halfway through the Van Gogh museum obviously starving (or so he would have you believe) I wrapped the sling in a loose toga way and fed him while walking around (it's times like these I'm really glad to be breastfeeding for entirely selfish reasons!). I couldn't carry on long term because he's getting really heavy (14 lbs 9 oz!) but it worked long enough to finish off the museum.
As for 1) ... well... there's no way around him being unhappy at night. So we just did our best to keep it as short as possible and hope that the people near us are understanding.
All in all it was a fantastic time and I can't wait to take Finn along on another exciting adventure.
SO! On to the pictures!
We took the train there (around 4 and a half hours total, with a change in Brussels). The way there it was very crowded but Finn seems to enjoy trains nearly as much as planes and we let him sleep through as much of the journey as we could. We arrived in the afternoon, checked into our hotel, dropped off the pram, put him in the wrap and had a good wander around.
We also had a look around the red-light district but there are no pictures of that!!!
After a fantastic dinner out and an early night, we started the next morning but heading straight to a cafe
Then it was off to the Van Gogh Museum. Afterwards I consulted a map to see where to go next and Finn practiced grabbing things (a new skill!)
We then went to the grocery store for our traditional evening meal one night of the local specialties in bread, cheese, and beer. In doing so we found Finn to be particularly useful (or at least his pram)...
The next day we headed to the Anne Frank house (and another cafe)
1) make lots of bizarre and loud noises including squeaks, squeals and fake coughs and
2) play with his tongue and all the strange noises that can make....
As you can see, good times were had all around!
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